You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
