I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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