He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
