Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
