After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
