was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
