You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
