Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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