Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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