Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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