I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
