his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
