dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
