Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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