He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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