Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
