Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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