Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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