So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
