Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
