did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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