Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
