im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
