Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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