maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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