I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
