Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
