I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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