I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
