I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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