even my farts smell like vagina
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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