upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
