sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Bring me that man meat
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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