So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
this is an emotional support booty call
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
