Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
