I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
