Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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