he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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