...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
