Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
