white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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