like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
