p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
