I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
