I CAN MOONWALK!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You are the jesus of drinking
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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