I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
