Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
