god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
