I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
