Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Can you bring me the toilet please
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
