she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it's great music for shaving your balls
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I FOUND THE LEGS
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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